John Gottman’s Attune
The Magic of John Gottman’s Attune Method
John Gottman is a guru in couple’s therapy for his groundbreaking research and effective methods to improve connections between couples. One of these remarkable methods is ATTUNE, an acronym that embodies a set of vital principles aimed at nurturing understanding, emotional intimacy, and a stronger bond between partners. In this blog post, we'll explore John Gottman's ATTUNE method and how it can be a game-changer for couples seeking to enhance their relationship.
Awareness: This is the first step in improving communication in your relationship. Both of you must be in tune with your own emotions and those of your partner. This involves recognizing and understanding your feelings and being aware of your partner's emotional state as well.
Turning Toward: This is all about being attentive to your partner's emotional cues. A cue could be something as simple as a smile, a question, or a request for support. Turning Toward means responding positively to these cues, rather than ignoring or dismissing them.
Tolerance: Tolerance is a cornerstone of any successful relationship. It's the ability to accept and respect your partner's differences, quirks, and vulnerabilities. By showing tolerance, you create a safe and welcoming space for your partner to be their genuine self without fear of judgment or rejection.
Understanding: THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU AGREE. Understanding your partner's perspective is vital for empathy and effective communication. It means actively listening, asking questions, and striving to comprehend your partner's feelings and thoughts, even when they differ from your own.
Non-Defensive Responding: Defensiveness can hinder communication. In ATTUNE, non-defensive responding means not jumping to a defensive position during conflicts or disagreements. Instead, focus on staying open and receptive to your partner's concerns, avoiding blame or criticism.
Empathy: This is the heart and soul of healthy relationships. It involves stepping into your partner's shoes and genuinely feeling what they feel. This deep emotional connection fosters understanding and strengthens the bond between partners.
How ATTUNE Benefits Your Relationship
Improved Communication
The ATTUNE method offers a structured approach for you and your partner to engage in more effective and meaningful communication. By practicing these principles, you can express yourselves more openly and authentically.
Deepened Emotional Connection
By being aware of each other's emotions, turning toward cues, and showing empathy, you can establish a deeper emotional connection. This leads to increased emotional intimacy and a stronger sense of togetherness.
Conflict Resolution
Tolerance and non-defensive responding are essential for resolving conflicts constructively. Couples who practice these principles are more likely to address disagreements in a healthy and respectful manner.
Greater Relationship Satisfaction
Incorporating the ATTUNE method into your relationship can lead to higher levels of satisfaction. Partners who feel understood, respected, and connected are more likely to report greater happiness and fulfillment in their relationship.
John Gottman's ATTUNE method is a powerful tool for couples seeking to strengthen their relationship. By practicing awareness, turning toward cues, demonstrating tolerance, seeking understanding, responding non-defensively, and showing empathy, you can build a deep rooted connection and resolve conflicts in healthier ways. The path to a thriving relationship begins with ATTUNE, and it can be a game-changer for couples looking to enhance their bond and build a love that lasts.
Written By: Crystin Nichols MS, RMFTI
