Pleasure First
The Power of Putting Pleasure First in Your Relationship
Pleasure is an essential, yet often overlooked, aspect of a thriving relationship. When you hear the word “pleasure,” you might think of grand romantic gestures or physical intimacy—but it goes much deeper than that. Prioritizing your own pleasure means nurturing your happiness, joy, and fulfillment, which not only benefits you but also transforms the dynamic of your relationship.
When individuals prioritize their own pleasure, they bring a more vibrant, authentic, and fulfilled version of themselves into the partnership. This isn’t about selfishness; it’s about creating a ripple effect of joy and connection that strengthens the bond you share with your partner.
In this blog post, we’ll explore what happens when you put pleasure first for yourself within a relationship, why it matters, and how to integrate this mindset into your life.
What It Means to Put Pleasure First
Putting pleasure first doesn’t mean neglecting your partner’s needs or indulging in self-centered behavior. Instead, it’s about recognizing your own worth and making space for joy, satisfaction, and self-expression in your daily life.
This could look like:
Tuning into what lights you up and making it a priority.
Advocating for your desires—whether emotional, physical, or spiritual.
Letting go of guilt for taking time to nurture yourself.
By putting pleasure first, you not only show up as a happier, more fulfilled individual, but you also inspire your partner to do the same, creating a relationship rooted in mutual joy and support.
Why Prioritizing Pleasure Matters in Relationships
When you prioritize your own pleasure, it has profound effects on your relationship:
1. It Cultivates Self-Awareness
Tuning into what brings you pleasure requires you to understand yourself—your needs, desires, and boundaries. This self-awareness allows you to communicate more clearly with your partner, fostering deeper intimacy and connection.
2. It Reduces Resentment
When you neglect your own happiness for the sake of others, resentment can quietly build. Prioritizing your pleasure ensures that you’re meeting your own needs, reducing the likelihood of feeling overlooked or taken for granted.
3. It Strengthens Emotional Intimacy
A fulfilled partner brings more energy, passion, and positivity to the relationship. When you’re in tune with your own joy, you’re more likely to approach your partner with openness and generosity.
4. It Models Healthy Behavior
By valuing your own pleasure, you show your partner that it’s okay to do the same. This creates a relationship dynamic where both partners feel empowered to pursue happiness, leading to a more balanced and supportive partnership.
How to Put Pleasure First in a Relationship
Here are some actionable ways to prioritize your own pleasure while maintaining a strong, connected partnership:
1. Discover What Brings You Joy
Take time to explore what truly makes you happy. This could be hobbies, activities, or moments of stillness that recharge your spirit.
Example:
Experiment with creative outlets like painting, dancing, or writing.
Schedule solo time to read, meditate, or enjoy a long bath.
2. Communicate Your Desires
Openly sharing your needs and desires with your partner is key to integrating pleasure into your relationship. This might feel vulnerable at first, but it paves the way for deeper understanding and connection.
Example:
“I’ve been craving more quality time together. Can we plan a weekend getaway?”
“It would mean a lot to me if we could explore new ways to connect physically.”
3. Set Boundaries Around Your Time
Saying no to obligations that drain you creates space for activities that replenish your energy and happiness. Boundaries aren’t about exclusion—they’re about making room for what matters most.
Example:
Protecting time for your morning yoga routine.
Declining extra commitments so you can have an evening to yourself.
4. Incorporate Pleasure Into Your Routine
Pleasure doesn’t have to come from grand gestures. Small, consistent actions can make a big difference in your daily life.
Example:
Play your favorite music while cooking dinner.
Take a walk during lunch to enjoy fresh air and sunshine.
Indulge in a cup of your favorite tea or coffee as a midday treat.
5. Reignite Physical and Emotional Intimacy
Pleasure in relationships often extends to physical and emotional intimacy. Focus on creating moments of connection that feel joyful and fulfilling for both you and your partner.
Example:
Schedule date nights that excite you, like trying a new restaurant or dancing.
Explore new ways to express physical affection, like massages or cuddling.
What Happens When You Put Pleasure First
When you prioritize your pleasure, you may notice profound changes in both your relationship and yourself:
You Show Up More Fully: Fulfillment in your personal life translates to more energy and presence in your relationship.
Your Partner Feels Inspired: Your joy becomes contagious, encouraging your partner to explore their own sources of pleasure.
You Reduce Stress and Conflict: A happier, more grounded version of yourself is better equipped to handle challenges and disagreements constructively.
Your Relationship Feels Lighter: With both partners prioritizing joy, the relationship becomes a space of mutual celebration and growth.
A Reminder: Pleasure Is Not Selfish
It’s easy to feel guilty for putting yourself first, especially if you’re used to prioritizing others. But remember: prioritizing your own happiness is one of the most loving things you can do for your relationship. A fulfilled partner contributes to a thriving partnership.
When you put pleasure first within your relationship, you unlock a deeper, more authentic connection with yourself and your partner. By prioritizing joy, communicating your needs, and embracing moments of self-care, you create a dynamic where love and happiness flow freely.
This year, make a commitment to discover what lights you up and let it shine into your relationship. If you’re ready to explore how to bring more joy and fulfillment into your partnership, I’m here to help. Reach out to schedule a consultation and start building a relationship rooted in mutual happiness and growth.
As a couples therapist based in Lakeland, Florida, I offer personalized counseling services to help couples strengthen their relationships. If you feel that professional help could benefit your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out! If you're looking for something more personalized, I invite you to contact me for a consultation or book a session. Together, we can work towards building a more intentional and fulfilling relationship.
Written By: Crystin Nichols MS, RMFTI
